Let them be bored

I know some of my readers are home-educators but there may be some of you out there who are dreading the next six weeks, having to listen to your little angels scream "I'm bored!!!" all day long.  Either that or they're making your life a misery because you won't take them to a theme park twice a week, as well as swimming, bowling, ice skating, a trip to the beach, and other money-consuming wants. 

Today's children seem to have the instant gratification bug, wanting everything today and more tomorrow.  To their parents I say this, did your parents do all that for you when you were a child or were you encouraged to make your own entertainment.  And that didn't mean being stuck in front of the TV (or in this age, a computer or game console) all day, every day either.  Tell your parents that you were bored and I'd lay odds on the response being "tough!" or "so what?".

If you are already wilting at the thought of keeping them entertained and amused all holidays without having to take out the mortgage required to cover all what they'd really like to do, I have a few suggestions.

• Let them be bored.  With a bit of luck they might actually (re)discover their imaginations and make up their own games.
• If they say they're bored, give them a household chore to do and make them do it.  Next time boredom strikes they'll either ask if they can help with anything (you can hope) or they'll have hated it so much they'll put more effort into finding something to do that's more fun.
• If they ask to go somewhere and you are willing to consider it, tell them that there are certain things around the house that need to be done first.  If they leave it all to you it will take too long and you won't be able to go.  If they help it will all be done very quickly and you'll have more time to spend doing that fun thing.
• Limit those big days out to one or two for the whole holiday.  They'll appreciate it so much more (eventually).
• Explain to them how much all these days out and activities cost and that you don't have all that money just lying around waiting for them to spend.

• If they're old enough suggest an 'entertainment budget' figure for them for the entire 6 weeks.  If they go and blow it all on a day out, DON'T GIVE THEM ANY MORE.  This is a life lesson about budgeting and will do them good in the long run when they start to live an independent lifestyle.  You are doing them no good whatsoever by encouraging them to think that what they want is the only thing worth spending money on.

A good number of children expect their parents to just hand over cash for anything, and unfortunately there are a good number of parents who do - whether that be from guilt for both parents working, or to keep the peace because of the temper outbursts that follow if the parents say no.  If this is your child, ask yourself how they learnt to kick up a fuss to make you give in.  That's right, it's because that is what you have been doing since they were tiny.  "Ah, it's not nice to see him/her so upset" so the child gets rewarded for making a scene.  Whereas if you had stuck to your guns when they were tiny they would now understand and accept that no means no.

This is not a dig at anyone in particular, but a kick up the backside that some parents need to remember that their children are just that, children, and that whilst their wishes will be considered, the FINAL say is the parents.

Who am I and what have I done with my real self?

For many years I have had little interest in my feminine side.  Hair has had to be functional - wash, a quick blast with the hair dryer, brush, and go - and clothing has had to be comfortable - and stuff the 'fashion' of the season.  So it is with some shock and excitement that I find myself becoming more interested in the clothes side.  The hair still has to fit those criteria so I am going to get my hair cut shorter and have some highlights put in.

Clothes, however, are beginning to intrigue me.  Today I even caught myself looking at skirts and dresses.  Earlier in the week I was contemplating shaving my legs for the VERY FIRST TIME!!  I haven't plucked up the courage yet but I think I might have to if I'm going to wear more feminine attire.  I've got the shaver; my armpits get a short back and sides every so often.  This is increasing as I have a new shaver that doesn't pinch and nick.  I also have had a re-fit at M&S - and I hope the upcoming exercise and weight loss regime takes a bit off the cup size.

I've been told what colours are good for me, and they certainly seem to work for me.  These are the summer colours - fuchsia pink, purple, teal, and things like that.  I have to avoid earthy tones, including orange and terracotta.

Maybe it's a midlife crisis.

What I did today

I went clothes shopping with Ros.  The original spec was to find a 'business' top to go with my black jacket and trousers.  We eventually (read several shops later) found some nice tops but realised that the jacket's cut and style just wasn't 'me'.  Coincidentally in that same shop there were some lovely purple short coats which, although outside what I was looking to pay, was absolutely perfect.  We ummed and ahhed over lunch then went back and bought it, along with 3 nice workwear t-shirts for £12.  Then we decided to look for a simple business-style white blouse.  Do you know how hard it is to find one?!  We drew a blank.

Ros told me she thought I was 'summer' colours and after trying some of them on today, I have to agree.  These are nice bright pinks, purples, certain reds and blues and a little bit of black.  I'm to avoid orange tones.

Also, what is it with the sizing of clothes.  In Bon Marche I needed size 16, which was one heck of an ego boost.  In Peacocks I would have needed a size 20!!  Tell me girls, which place would you rather shop in?  Right, the one that allows you to wear the smaller size.  So I shan't be going to Peacocks again in a hurry.

Another first

My daughter's first love is now, as of this week, her first ex - which explains why she has moped around the house in her pj's all week.  She is a little upset about it and has had a cry in my arms.  Now she's downstairs eating my best chocolate (with my permission) and watching Harry Potter (No.6, I think) with her Dad.

The perennial question

It's heading towards that time of year again and A, being the caring, thoughtful husband that he is, has asked me what I want for my birthday.  As usual there are two sets of answers to this.  One runs to 'ha ha, stop kidding around' things like finish revampin en-suite, a new kitchen, a 'no snoring ever again' medication so we can share a bed every night (ok, so this isn't kidding around but no-one has invented one yet), my very own Ferrari 360 F1 Modena (with flappy paddle gear box), or a sprawling house in the country with acres of land between me and my next door neighbours ('cos I'm the sociable sort, you know).  The other usually goes something like 'dunno, nothing's really took my fancy'.  This is not strictly true as there's always ONE thing that takes my fancy  ;-) but why wait till my birthday  hehehehe.

I'm after a new camera BUT as I know absolutely nothing about digital SLRs I am going to make a nuisance of myself at the camera club in September and see if the some of the boys will let me play with their toys.  The new camera will have to wait till next year some time.  It would be a VERY expensive mistake to get the wrong one.  (We are talking £500+ here so I need to be very sure I'm getting the best one for me).

So, I've settled for a serious session at a hairdressing salon.  The goody bag that I brought home from the Ball on Saturday had a 20% off voucher for somewhere that charges silly money (to me who would make Scrooge look profligate with money for things like clothes or hair) to do even the simplest of things.  I want a new style and some streaks of colour putting in.  Just the sort of thing to make me feel summery and cheerful.  It has to be low-maintenance as I don't have the time or the inclination to spend more than 10 minutes each day making it look presentable.  It would also have to look good whether I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt or formal business wear.  Picky, picky, picky.

I've already shown the kids what I want and, between them, it comes in under budget.  Let's hope they remember.

Common sense is beginning to prevail

I was going to post yesterday about the Wrestling World Cup Final except that Blogger wouldn't let me in for some reason.  As most of the world has already commented on it I won't waste time.

Instead I'll turn my attention to this.  The Financial Services Authority (FSA) is considering banning self-certification mortgages.  About time too!!  When these 'modern' mortgages were announced a few years ago I said that it would all end in tears.  I mean, where is the sense in lending people hundreds of thousands of pounds without them having to prove they can pay it back? 

The 'old-fashioned' multipliers were there for a reason.  They made sure that you had some money left to live on after paying the mortgage AND made sure you could continue to afford the payments if the interest rates rose.  These days people have mortgages that they can barely afford, let alone heat their property and feed themselves.  I don't know what they're going to do when interest rates do rise again - and they will.  A rise of 0.5% is going to catch a lot of people out and start a whole raft of repossessions.  When we got our first mortgage interest rates were about 10%. We asked our advisor to work out what the repayments would be if rates rose to 15%, something he said wouldn't happen.  Well it did, and we could still afford it (just).

Look at what has happened to energy and food prices in the last couple of years.  Prices have rocketed, beyond what most people (experts and jo public alike) would have expected.  It isn't just the traditional poor and/or working class who are having to decide whether to eat or heat their home.  This is spreading upwards through the other social classes too.  I wonder if this is what Labour meant by 'social mobility'.

More sensible mortgage lending will have a downward impact on house prices as less people can get a mortgage to afford the current silly prices; though there may be an increase in price as less people can afford to move (supply and demand at work).  Hopefully, prices will settle to levels that are affordable for our young people.   

Let's look at an example.  Average starting salaries for graduates are between £20,000 and £25,000 (and assume that those without a degree will have an average start of much less).  The average price for a one bedroom shared ownership flat (part buy-part rent) seems to be about £40,000.  Owning your flat outright averages at about £100,000.  This would be unaffordable to the graduate under the 'three times your salary' rules.  The graduate would need a very large deposit AND have some to pay the legal fees.  Like I said, prices are probably going to come down until they reach a level that people can sensibly afford.

I'll be honest and admit I have no idea how the part buy-part rent system works.  Obviously the total outgoing must be considerably less than the mortgage would be on the true value of the property, but I do wonder how the difference is made up.  Rents can only be lower than the mortgage outlay if the money borrowed (by the housing association) to buy the property is much less than it's value. 

The rise in the number of properties available by this method shows how unaffordable property has become to vast portions of society.  Maybe we should be doing like our continental cousins, where renting is the norm.  It's only in the past 50 years or so that owning your own home has been attainable by the vast majority of the population.  Before then this was only for the rich.  Are we back to this?  Do we want to be back to this? 

I must admit that, having sampled renting and ownership, I prefer ownership.  We can decorate how we want, rip out a fireplace that we don't like (or a kitchen or a bathroom) and, unless we are being repossessed (or compulsorily purchased to make way for a new road), we are not beholden to our landlord's whim as to how long we can stay there.  My home is my security blanket (apart from my family, of course).  It is here waiting for me when I get back from work.  It is somewhere I can shut the door and keep the world out.  I can put my feet up and relax.  It is comforting, and I'd hate to lose it.  That doesn't mean I'll never move from here.  Far from it, I have some very definite ideas of where I'd like to live.  It's that I am not constantly aware that the next letter from the landlord could be the 'adios' letter.  This place is mine for as long as I want it.

Well, this has been a meander through the world of property possession, hasn't it.  I hope you followed it.

Take me to Vegas!

Last night hubby and I, accompanied by 4 friends, went to a Charity Ball.  My friend, and ex-Pampered Chef boss, Debbie Casey is raising funds for Women for Women and last night was the finale in her fundraising efforts so that she can go on a bike ride through China to raise money for and awareness of this charity's work.  If you would like to donate, click here.

Back to last night.  The food was very nice.  I discovered I like melon, the yellow-skinned green flesh variety, and creme brulee.  During the evening there was a 'spot prize'.  One chair in the whole room had the W4W logo tacked under the seat.  Me, me, me!!!!  For that I 'won' a bottle of pink fizz.  That'll go down nice at my birthday next month.  During the meal Debbie's girls were doing a tombola.  They had a bag of home-made tickets, carefully sealed, and some had prizes.  We had 3 tickets and won a bottle of pineapple Malibu and £30 of vouchers for a Mediterranean restaurant.  The latter will go down nicely on our week's holiday next month.  We weren't quite so lucky in the auction.  The bidding for 4 tickets to watch Hampshire v Durham AND a signed Hampshire CC shirt went beyond our limit, so we didn't win anything there.  Then the raffle was drawn.  I had my eye on the 'Finger Buffet for 25 people' as it would come in very handy for said birthday.  Unfortunately it was not to be.  Instead I won a one night stay in an Executive Suite at the Hamble Retreat, 2 miles from home.  Very nice, indeed.

Fortunately that was it; it was beginning to get embarrassing.  There must have been 100 people there, many of whom left with no prizes at all.  And then there was us with a bagful.  But it would have been just as much fun if we'd won nothing at all.

What's going on at the moment

Yesterday afternoon I had another session with my life coach friend, R.  We talked about my future plans with particular respect to job-hunting.  I told her that it was on hold for now as I was having difficulty dealing with the constant knockbacks/no replies.  She helped me to see that there is nothing wrong with making big efforts to find a job then taking a few weeks off when the constant failure gets too much.

We also discussed my personal brand - or, the image I need to project to get what I want.  We have made plans to go shopping in a couple of weeks to look at, and maybe buy some 'sharp and professional' business attire.  Needless to say, A is already going a bit pale at the thoughts of it all.  I have promised to be good and be more Primark than boutique.  I am also considering getting my CV professionally done. 

The plan was to start job hunting towards the end of September, assuming that my current contract finishes at the end of August.  Well, this afternoon I got a call from an agency asking if I was prepared to look further afield for jobs - as in Poole or Andover - and the answer was 'not that far'.  Anyway, the job they sent me for 3 months ago (the one I never heard back from, and they never phoned me back about) became a different role, one which I wouldn't have gone for (and neither did anyone else who they interviewed).  This business have decided to fill this vacancy in-house from their sales ledger team, leaving a vacancy.  So, I asked this job agency to get me in for that one.  This agency don't generally handle jobs paying less than £14K (lucky them that they can be so choosy).  I explained to them that this is an unrealistic wage for someone with AAT Level 2 but no proper work experience; somewhere around £12K is more appropriate.  I repeated that I was interested in the position and could be negotiable on salary - apparently the company likes a bargain.  We'll see what happens.  I might just go on to the company's website direct and see what's what.  Looks like I'm in the job market again.

I am a good mummy

Why?  Because I have made waffleberry pie for pudding.  If there is one dessert guaranteed to get my family's attention and undying affection, then this is it!  D has decided it must be a healthy pudding as it has berries in it.  I countered that with it must be really bad for you as it has loads of cream in it.  Are you drooling yet?  Here's the recipe.

And to thank me for my largesse K is cooking dinner - ham and mushroom pasta bake.  I might suggest some garlic bread to go with it, but might not having just been shooed out the kitchen.

A is working late tonight, and doesn't read this blog, so he doesn't know what he's missing.

Did you see......

....... The Bionic Vet last night?

This is the man who operated on Scoobs nearly 4 years ago, performing a dorsal laminectomy to help my boy walk properly again.  It was a rather intense convalescence, as I was supposed to limit his activity for a few weeks yet the stupid mutt decided that trying to jump a 2 foot garden wall was much more fun.  AARRGHHHH!!!!!!!  It DID fix the lameness and occasional stumble but left him with a slightly wonky tail.  Compared to the alternative - accidental severance of the spinal cord - it seemed a small price to pay.

This was taken about 6 months after surgery.  Isn't he happy?!

All was well for a couple of years before the symptoms returned.  Another visit to Noel showed that not only was scar tissue forming at the old op site and compressing the spinal cord again, but that a pinch point (caused by a bulging vertebral disc being directly under a bony overgrowth of arthritis) just below the neck was also causing problems.  Given that Scoobs was 9 by then we all decided that his age was definitely against him and we should, instead, take a palliative approach to his care.  A & I must have done something right as we had another fun-filled (and very expensive) 15 months with our wonderful hound.

Noel can come across as a bit gruff but his heart is most definitely in the right place and he is dedicated to the animals in his care.  I have seen him become distressed after being unable to help a dog (and having to PTS on the operating table).  I have seen him pull an 18+ hour shift (at the old place) when the portable - on the back of an artic - MRI broke and it took several hours to get a replacement.  Did he cancel everyone?  Nope, he stayed there till past midnight making sure every animal got the scan they were there for.  He understood the anxiety being there was putting on the pets and the efforts we owners went to to be there in the first place, not to mention the nervous fits caused by our beloved animals going under a general anaesthetic.  General anaesthetic is inherently more dangerous for animals than humans, especially the elderly kind like our pooch was.

So, hats off to the man!!!!  If I ever have another dog, not that I'm planning that right now, and it needs neuro-orthopaedic help, he will be the one I expect to see.