This working woman's lot is not a happy one

I feel worn out.  It's not tiredness - as in could fall asleep anywhere.  It's a total loss of energy/go/drive (call it what you will).  Let me give you a bit of history to help put it all in context.

 I last worked outside the home full-time in June 1991, which is when I quit to be A's company secretary - aka money for nothing much.  Since then I have done the full-time housewife/mother routine, and let no one tell you that it is the easy option.  You work just as hard but don't get paid.  Then in April 2004 I started home educating D and we were joined, in October 2005, by K.  Our life had a certain routine - certain activities happened on certain days, etc.  Then in September 2009 I had no kids 'at home'.  They were both at college.  I was left to find a new role.  I dabbled at finding a job but my heart wasn't really in it.  A couple of friends suggested I take up a local job agency's advert for exam invigilators.  After all, I was doing it for free for the local home education group.  This led to odd days of basic admin work.  Then, the NHS job came along.

I was originally sent in for 3 hours a day for 3 days.  No problem.  The money wasn't as much as I'd earned previously but it would be a new experience.  That was in early February this year and I'm STILL there, doing 4 full days per week (the 5th day being at college doing AAT).  Suddenly I had to find time to do the housewife/mother stuff.  The kids are helpful but pretty much only when told what needs to be done.  And, for the most part, the same can be said about A.  Admittedly he's finally worked out how to use the washing machine - assuming he remembers to do any - but he's never voluntarily dusted or hoovered (dust allergy so unfair to expect it), cleaned the bathroom, ironed, taken on the weekly shop (unless I am not in a fit state, when I usually go for a delivery service), made sure the kids are doing their chores properly (ok, maybe occasionally but usually when I have nagged him to make an effort); and hardly ever worried about things like making sure we are ready for Christmas, birthdays, etc.

Some people were quick to point out that he works SO hard and I (until February) was at home all day, so therefore it was my job to do all that.  And I did it all with barely a moan.  But now I WORK TOO.  And to be honest it just feels like if I don't ask someone to do something then no-one else but me can see it needs to be done.

In recent times (the past few years) I have been having a few issues with my memory and processing - things  slipping my mind, and using the wrong word or getting them the wrong way round - and things have been getting worse in the past year or so.  Stress seems to make it worse.  I've had a few stressors at work lately.  A suggests that if work is getting me like that I should quit.  Now, I know he means that exactly as he says it, but there is a part of me that wonders if his subconscious would then feel less guilty about relying on me to remember everything/notice everything that needs doing.  He'd deny it, and I'd feel bad about accusing him of this; honest, it's just me feeling a misery guts.  A has never been any good at remembering things.  I know that but my issues are getting to the stage where I can't be trusted either, and I can feel myself getting more worked up trying to make sure that I don't forget things (because A is bloody useless at it).

Hands up who can see who's going to deal with the lion's share (or even all of it) of when FIL moves down here.  And keep those hands up if you think that, whilst I'm up in Nottingham sorting that end out, bugger all housework-type stuff gets done down here.

Good things come to those who wait

Today, amongst other things, I decided to make a start on 12 gallons of home-made wine.  That's right, 72 bottles of the stuff for less than £20.  I didn't have enough demi-johns to put all 12 on at once but figured I could get 6 under way.  I started 4 gallons about a year ago and kind of fell out of love with the whole idea so left them to their own devices.  Today, two of them had no water in their airlocks - important for keeping the air out and stopping the contents turning to vinegar (wine + oxygen = vinegar).  So imagine my suprise when all 4 gallons are perfectly palatable!  They do need racking (filtering) off their sediments and leaving to settle for a few weeks, then bottling and leaving to settle for another week or three.  Should be ready for drinking by end of June.

The ones I started today are 'quick' brews, meaning about 8 weeks from start to finish.  So I should have at least 35 bottles to see me through July/August.  I will have to get some more demi-johns to make a start on the remaining cartons of fruit juice.  A friend has a birthday in mid-August and I have been asked to provide the booze!

Between a rock and a hard place

Please bear in mind that I have a cold and am feeling less than 100%, and the knock-on effect on my ability to ignore/dismiss annoying people.

There is someone at work who is getting on my nerves.  This has been getting worse over the past week (which is roughly how long I have been coming down with/suffering from this cold).  She is constantly whinging about how she doesn't like her job now her team have merged with ours; this, that or the other isn't right; doesn't like all the phone answering/door buzzer answering/myriad other things that interfere with her ability to concentrate on what she has to do.  However, she doesn't whinge when the current acting Admin Co-ordinator is in the office.  She, and her colleague from the same previous office, can't cope with all this so when they have something that requires total concentration they go off to a different office for some peace and quiet. 

Now yes, to a point, I can understand it BUT not for one second does she consider that we others are in the same boat (and by buggering off like that our disturbances are increased).  There have been times that I have been doing something that I could really do without having to deal with incoming phone calls.  Does that count?  Does it hell!  I still have to deal with them and then try to re-focus on what I'm doing.

This morning I was doing something clerical with some client files and she knew I wasn't at my best.  However she was far too busy whinging to her colleague about how she hates her job now and doesn't want to come in (interspersed with actually doing her work), whilst I was answering the phone, taking messages AND e-mailing said messages to the correct recipients, all the while with a client's file 'in bits' all over my desk (burying my keyboard/mouse/pen/paper to boot).  Let's just say that by lunchtime I had had enough, burst into tears, played on feeling rotten and asked to come home.  We all have gripes about the 'new order'.  It doesn't help when the senior manager keeps taking systems that work and making changes, without considering the knock-on effect to our workloads.  If I'm honest my workload is the least hectic - it has its moments though - as I am not fully trained on all the in-house systems and therefore cannot do some of their work for them.  Plus my primary role is as phone answerer.  But I have just about had enough of keeping my mouth shut when she starts her whining.

I really don't want to go back there, purely because of this.  Yet it looks so much better when applying for jobs if you already have one than if you are unemployed, so I don't want to quit.  It's a temp position which will last for who knows how much longer and I'd really like to see it through to its conclusion if I don't land a permanent role elsewhere first.

So, do I stay and try my best not to blow a fuse big-time or do I walk and, although still with my temp agency, deal with maybe being between positions when applying for jobs.  I don't like the idea of walking as it can be seen to be taking the easy way out, plus what do you say when asked at interview, but it's playing havoc with my nerves.

A quick catch up

My UV-induced rash has started up.  That'll be me looking like a case of measles (hands and arms only, hopefully) till towards the end of October.  Hey ho!  Hence the feeling slightly miserable.


There's no news on the job front.  Not even a phone call to say "we don't know anything", which is quite rude seeing as I have been sending e-mails and calling only to be told that someone will call me back later the same day.  This is through a different agency to the one that currently employs me, not the company that was advertising the job in the first place.  Hence the feeling slightly miserable.

My brother has the results back from his mole biopsy.  Whilst not the worst news, there are definitely cells that have changed from 'normal' so, like me, he has to be careful.  Hence the feeling more than slightly miserable.

Normal service might be resumed this week.  (And before anyone gets excited I'm not THAT miserable, just bl**dy tired).

What a lovely weekend

The weather was warm and sunny.  Not sure if I've had a skin breakout - probably, but let me kid myself for just a few weeks more, eh?

We got a load of jobs done in the garden.  I had 2 wonderful labourers.  They did a lot of lifting and breaking (old terracotta plant pots to make drainage chips for my new planters).  K & I filled said planters and planted seeds in them.  A then set up the watering system.  Fingers crossed, we will have loads of vegetables.

Yesterday A & I went down to the sea front.  There were lots of yachts out doing their thing, and one whose owners were enjoying the view.

Today, whilst not strictly the weekend, I was up at 7.00, in Makro by 8.15 and home by 9.10 to put the second load of washing out.  Then I put away all my Makro shopping, tidied the cupboards under the sinks in the bathrooms, hoovered the stairs, and hoovered and tidied the big cloak cupboard by the back door.  By 11.30 the third load of washing was out.

Then I decided it was ME time so got out the camera and played with some of the settings.

I think Spring is here

Finally!  The weather has chosen to be more seasonal this week.  I have been going on walks at lunchtime as I always feel in a better mood after.  This afternoon all 4 of us got stuck into some gardening.  Earlier K and I had decided that some big planters would go nicely under the kitchen window.  They're big enough for me to put carrots, lettuce and peppers into.  The carrots and lettuce are sewn directly into the planters.  The peppers are in seed trays in the house - in my new plastic mini-greenhouse.  It's too cold at night to put them outside.

Speaking of the mini-greenhouse (which K managed to put together pretty much single-handedly today), the kids planted broccoli, tomatoes and French marigolds earlier this week, along with the peppers.  The broccoli are already through.

I'll probably have too many plants so if anyone locally has too many of their plantings and would like to swap form an orderly queue - otherwise known as LET ME KNOW.

And to round off a lovely day A got the BBQ out to cook tea on.  Mmmmmmmmm.  Did I ever tell you how much I love that man.

A quick update

Cos there's not really much happening.  The kids are on Easter Break from college.  I'm still slaving away.  Hubby is too. 

These last two are quite important as we have seen a really nice kitchen.  It's not on his our list of things to do this year, but I live in hope.  I've been living in hope for 12 years.  And, strangely enough, we saw it in IKEA.  Now, we don't do IKEA.  We had a look round one some years ago and were unimpressed with what was on offer (and the price they wanted for it too).  Yesterday we were wandering round Southampton when hubby decided that it might be nice to see if they're still as bad, given that EVERYONE thinks they're fantastic/must have.  So now we are of the opinion that they do have some nice stuff at a reasonable price but some of their stock is still 'not us'.

I did see a nice dining table - £159 and can sit up to 10 people - but the chairs are extra (£35 each).  I reckon I can get away with just 6.  Our current dining table, which we've had for less than 10 years, has warped and the knots are becoming proud.  Also it doesn't clip together very well, both adding and removing the extender leaf.  And it's too big really.  It didn't look that big when we bought it.

Oh and yes we did buy something in IKEA, a new loo roll holder to replace one that broke off.